~ Daily Noesis ~ a personal blog
Crossroads of insights, life experiences, humour and silver linings.
Have you ever said or heard someone say ‘I look how I feel’? The Bible tells us that as we think in our hearts – or what we hold to be true in our hearts – so we become! Our thoughts are important and even more important is having the strength to smile and laugh, as we go through the day.
What makes you smile? đ
đ Lots of love to you all! đ
We walk past each other on the crowded streets.
Sometimes they’re empty, the town’s deserted and our paths would still cross. Sometimes, I wish I knew what was hiding behind those sad, deep eyes.  What are you hiding? The same things that I do? Or, perhaps we’re all keeping the same secrets, safely sealed deep inside.
So many times I wanted to talk to you, grab your hand and steal a few moments of your hurried pace, always marching towards an unseen destination. Sadly, you do not even notice me. We walk the same way, everyday, we trot the same streets, we live in the same building, still, you won’t know my name. Once, you looked at me and I was afraid the look in my eyes would give me away; but you continued your journey. Then, I wished for something I never did before, I wished that I could read your mind and eagerly waited for you the next day. At the same corner, where we always passed by each other, I could see you approaching. My heart was pounding – it was a sort of unreasonable joy, I believe that’s what it was. Now it was going to be different, I knew it. This time, you would raise your head and our eyes will meet. The reciprocal sadness would connect.
I could sense your smell approaching me and there you were. Your thoughts, all those feelings that were rushing through your head pierced me: remorse, regrets, sadness, nostalgia, anger and everything else cut into me so deep, now I was bleeding. Our eyes never met and you were soon but a distant shadow, resting at the street corner, before the lights would change. I called you, on your name, hoping you would turn back and reach out a hand. My being was unable to utter yet another sound and slowly, I painfully managed to drag myself towards you, before the lights would go green, I had to make it. I desperately tried to cling on to the other hurried feet, but neither did they seem to see me, nor to hear my cry.
Finally, I reached you.
But you did not seem to be on the run anymore. Neither it seemed that you still avoided me, because now our eyes met. The knifing pain I was feeling, the desperate cries inside of me, the bleeding wounds … they were all there, imprinted on your face and transfigured body.
‘I give up’ you said. ‘I can no longer escape you.’
‘There’s no need to’, I softly whispered, ‘I am here now’ as I slowly started to fade away.
It was me, your wounded, once passionate heart, you were running away from; the amass of feelings you shut yourself away from. You could no longer do away with me. From now on, I am you.
She closed her eyes.
Suddenly, the colors came to life and the voices in her head went quiet.
Now it was just the wind that vividly spoke to her and guided her hand on the canvas. For some reason, whenever things became too much to bear, this would always help her see the whole picture clearly. Although she was not an acknowledged painter, it was a way to calm down and find some answers.
Today it was a day not like every other day, for she knew that it won’t be long until she would need to move once again in the past six months and also find a way to sustain herself. Two more weeks and that was it, a new home and a new job awaited. These feelings were not at all unfamiliar, she had felt the same way six months ago when she packed her bag and left her home in search of a new life on the great island: alertness, fear and anticipation. All these came rushing back and she was aware that there was no way out but to confront her fears and to have complete faith that her life was still on its way of finding itself. She exhaled –  it all seemed even more complicated now, once the dark, deep, earthy colors filled more than a half of the canvas.
Once again, she closed her eyes and decided that this time she was willing to reach deep within herself and bring it all out. After all, this was no un-walked crossroads she was standing at, but the very core of the leap of faith she had taken a little time ago. So far, everything seemed to be falling into place: finding a new home, new job and friends without even stressing out too much. It only happened that the first two on her list were on a temporary clause and she had still made it through. Perhaps that the most amazing thing since she’d been there, were the people that she met who had been nothing but more than willing to help a total stranger fit in and find her purpose.
And so she did. She had found it. She was now ready to fully follow her vocation and make a living out of it. It was just a matter of a totally worth sacrifice for a couple of months but then, once that would come to and end, she will be able to enjoy the fruits of her commitment. Besides, she was not all alone in this world, as she knew that her sister would also return and they could be there for each other.
The picture had become clear now – it was confidence the missing color, and apparently, the final touch on the canvas.
Once you know you are where you’re supposed to be, you will feel that with all you heart, and nothing and no one can stop you from becoming who you’ve been searching to be – that is, to fulfill your calling.
a response to –Â http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/frame-of-mind/
~ Daily Noesis ~ a personal blog 