20 seconds to … myself


A word is dead
When it is said,
Some say.
I say it just begins
to live that day.

~  Emily Dickinson

‘So, you are a writer?’


‘Uhmm… I believe I am.’

Those twenty seconds that followed the question had thrown me in a sudden ambiguity continuum and before I could come up with an answer, I knew I had to be honest to myself. I found myself released from that vortex of self-contradiction and desire to find the truth for myself only when the next Christmas tune broke the silence. In the uni coffee shop, while friendly chatting over a nice cup of Starbucks’ latest caffeinated drink conquest. It took me a while to come up with an honest answer because somehow, my friend’s innocent question had succeeded to unleash a tacit torment.

For the first time, someone other than myself acknowledged my calling. I couldn’t help but wonder if there is something about it that just shouts out to everyone ‘hey, I am a writer’ or if some of us posses an extra ability to read people.

It was my chance to be honest to myself and publicly acknowledge who I am.

Of course, the highest story of all is yet to be accomplished because I can feel it grow. Slowly, step by step and drop by drop it builds its way out. Very soon it will be complete, but then will I gather the courage to share with the world? I always end up going back to the great names which went down in writing history and while I do not have any unrealistic expectations of ever becoming one of them, I desire a flicker of their courage. After all, we are being judged every single day of our life, most of time not even knowingly. Yet, we find the strength to carry on, because we are not alone and we have a story to tell.  And not only once, but always, the greatest books ever written were the mere product of a lifetime translated into hope and purpose. Because no matter how harsh this reality is, if we are able to pass on our story we are vainquers. And perhaps, one day, someone’s hero.


Confessions of Procrastination


When did we stop appreciating the simple, surrounding and all over us things in life?

Today started with an urging desire to re-connect with the nature, no matter how old, Romanesque it may sound, I felt drawn to Madre Earth. Perhaps it was the incredibly sunny sky with no clouds at the horizon, but all I could do for almost four hours and half was grab my girly, cheesy book recently acquired and drag my still heavy from sleepiness body, all the way to the back yard. That’s the great thing about these houses: separating, quite-tall fences that kept the greener grass out of sight. As I was lying in the strong sunshine, still in my jammies, and with my inmanquable grande Starbucks mug in one hand, I immersed myself in the reading. It was a darn good day for tanning at the beach, but due to low cash income I had to postpone that for the weekend when my weekly pay would also kick in so maybe I could also afford to go and grab that gorgeous swimsuit I couldn’t help but obsess with, ever since I’ve seen it in Accessorize. And maybe some new, fancy flip flops that would match the swimsuit. Okay, this was the reason why I had not been able to set a quid aside for dark days in my savings account.

Ahh…the smell and sound of the sea, how much I miss that!

Nonetheless, my days as here were soon to be over and I was finding myself, once again in the job hunt again. One of the perks of working for Molly was that on some days I would have the house to myself, the whole big and quiet house to myself. The mere peace and quiet was so refreshing that going out was not even so attractive any longer. Well, beside the laundry I had to do and the slight tiding up of the house, I was free to be myself. I did miss the boys in the first 4 to 5 hours but afterwards I was finding it so stress-free to be able to keep my stuff where ever I wanted without worrying that ‘Oh, if I put that there, baby Tyler might be able to grab it and unintentionally smash it maybe’ or ‘if Marc sees that, he will definitely bombard my day with incessant questions about its existence’. Oh no, do not get me wrong, I totally love the kids, just that sometimes, they could be a handful.

Thrown back into reality, I felt kind of light headed, so I decided get back inside and have some lunch so that the rumbling noise coming from my stomach would finally stop. Which was normal, once I saw that I had been up for the past five hours and hadn’t grabbed a bite at all?

Afterwards, I have decided it was high time I wrote that general, multi-purpose whatever cover letter – oh, I REALLY TRULY HATE writing cover letters. But this time, I knew that was no more time for procrastinating so I hurried to open up my e-mail, check latest updates from friends and perhaps watch an episode or two maybe of my currently favorite series.