Soulmates

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Rarely do we meet people who truly understand the reason behind our actions … even those you ran into a couple of times, seem to read you so much better than the ones that have known for a matter of years.

It’s amazing how reassuring it feels to simply hear a confirmation of what you are doing right now, in this very moment in life, is the right stage for you; then again, why cannot those who claim they know you, offer you the same trust and encouragement?

Are we just prone to judge the people we ‘know’ best? Or are we merely listening with our heads instead of open hearts?

I believe that in a friend’s perspective, it all starts from the premise of how long you’ve know each other as an allowed-judgment-tool that empowers them to question your every move; not that it would be for the wrong intentions, definitely all’s in your best interest. However, too much questioning always makes you wonder and ponder on the perfectly sure about decision: isn’t in fact, but a dream, a house built on sand? They ask safety questions. Nonetheless, if not in appropriate dosage, it can easily break the spirit. A little piece of safety advice from me: don’t let it happen, know when and where to draw the line. If you provide good answers to their questions and yet it’s not enough, then it’s entirely their choice to either be happy for you, support you or to walk away. Good friends will always be there for you, despite of differences of opinions, circumstances … through it all. The ones who hold your hand and walk beside you. The ones who let you be yourself and with whom even words become redundant. The ones you dearly miss when having a coffee and they’re not present. The ones who make you feel like time stands still, every time you meet.

Perhaps that until later in life, one will not realize the impossibility to blindly rely on the carefully well-intended doubts of friends, and that the time will be just right to learn who their soul mates actually are.

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Naked Secrets

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We walk past each other on the crowded streets.

Sometimes they’re empty, the town’s deserted and our paths would still cross. Sometimes, I wish I knew what was hiding behind those sad, deep eyes.  What are you hiding? The same things that I do? Or, perhaps we’re all keeping the same secrets, safely sealed deep inside.

So many times I wanted to talk to you, grab your hand and steal a few moments of your hurried pace, always marching towards an unseen destination. Sadly, you do not even notice me. We walk the same way, everyday, we trot the same streets, we live in the same building, still, you won’t know my name. Once, you looked at me and I was afraid the look in my eyes would give me away; but you continued your journey. Then, I wished for something I never did before, I wished that I could read your mind and eagerly waited for you the next day. At the same corner, where we always passed by each other, I could see you approaching. My heart was pounding – it was a sort of unreasonable joy, I believe that’s what it was. Now it was going to be different, I knew it. This time, you would raise your head and our eyes will meet. The reciprocal sadness would connect.

I could sense your smell approaching me and there you were. Your thoughts, all those feelings that were rushing through your head pierced me: remorse, regrets, sadness, nostalgia, anger and everything else cut into me so deep, now I was bleeding. Our eyes never met and you were soon but a distant shadow, resting at the street corner, before the lights would change. I called you, on your name, hoping you would turn back and reach out a hand. My being was unable to utter yet another sound and slowly, I painfully managed to drag myself towards you, before the lights would go green, I had to make it. I desperately tried to cling on to the other hurried feet, but neither did they seem to see me, nor to hear my cry.

Finally, I reached you.

But you did not seem to be on the run anymore. Neither it seemed that you still avoided me, because now our eyes met. The knifing pain I was feeling, the desperate cries inside of me, the bleeding wounds … they were all there, imprinted on your face and transfigured body.

‘I give up’ you said. ‘I can no longer escape you.’

‘There’s no need to’, I softly whispered, ‘I am here now’ as I slowly started to fade away.

It was me, your wounded, once passionate heart, you were running away from; the amass of feelings you shut yourself away from. You could no longer do away with me. From now on, I am you.

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