The remains of those days


It has never been that green before, or at least, she couldn’t reminiscence.

The hills, the trees and the grass felt fresher as they vigorously bent under the salty breeze. One of the perks of living on the coast, she thought. When did all this become so foreign to her? After all, it was the place she’d spent most of her life chasing the crisp blueish breeze that led to no other place but her favorite hide out: a gray and gold mix of slightly pebbly covered sand line, where seagulls often came down and built some nests against the harsh wall of the cliff. Ten years later, and this still was her spot.

As a child, she simply  loved to just zone herself out from the rest of the world, often too noisy to hear her own thoughts. But there, she could think, she could cry and she was free to scream her lungs out if that was her wish. No one there to judge and no reason to confine herself to customary laws – just a bunch of stiff necks, as her friend would nicely put it. Exhaling, she was now one with the shore, as she could feel the wobbly pebbles beneath her feet, as she slowly rocked them. Damp and salty – this was the smell that brought back memories and that made her feel as if she were still a child. It was amazing how one simple breeze can take you back to the past as if nothing had ever changed. By this time, she would have heard her mother’s voice, generous and slightly worried, calling her back for supper.

She opened her eyes.

Now the gray rising tides had found themselves mirrored in her eyes – humid and sad around the corners. Then she realized that things did change and also, that this was the reason why she’d never been able to pull herself together and come back home. The entire coast was impregnated with her mother’s image and smell. Because she loved so much being near the sea, her mother would always smell like the breeze: warm, salty, crisp. Especially in the night time when embracing her good night, mom’s touch was soft and invigorating, sending away all the bad dreams – oh, how much she craved that reassuring touch. That place was her mother. Now that she was no longer there, things would never be as they used to, that is, never complete. However, this did not mean that turning back on her heels and leaving was the safest or sanest thing to do, she now realized, as at that time she thought it was.

This time, she would stay and let her memories invade her.

And the most surprising thing, she had never felt so close to her mom as she did now.


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